I let my subscription to the New Yorker run out, so I missed getting a paper copy of this week’s Barack and Michelle Obama cover. No matter, I saw it anyway (just like everybody who watches cable TV or reads blogs) before the magazine was even released. Why are we still printing things on paper?

The cover led to a New York Times story about how it’s hard to write jokes about Barack Obama.

“Harold & Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay” somehow made fun of a shameful military prison, so if there’s humor in that, I’m sure there’s humor in the Obama campaign somewhere. Especially if you’re not trying too hard. I’m sure Leno and Letterman are pulling it off. Ditto with JibJab.

I have to be honest, I never found JibJab vidoes especially funny, and they seem to play things awfully safe for satire. But it is what it is. The new one about the campaign is pretty cute, and the animation has been stepped up a notch. But can they make fun of Obama? Yeah. The Disneyesque Obama scene seems like it nails it: Obama as Uncle Walt in the Magic Kingdom.

Actually, wait, give me a minute to think about that concept to make sure there’s nothing racist about it.

I work in a big office building in the East Village, a few blocks below Union Square. On a nice day, it’s impossible to walk around the neighborhood without being accosted. There are two kinds of distractions:

• People who want money.
• People who want to give you something for free.

The people who ask for the most money are with the United Homeless Organization, a dubious outfit whose supporters set up tables with blue water bottles and say, “Even a penny will help!” Second place is Greenpeace, which dispatches young and enthusiastic volunteers to humiliate themselves by flagging people down on the sidewalk to sign them up for contributions. Third place is people with pets and cardboard signs… Some may or may not be homeless, some may or may not be associated with animal shelters.

Only slightly less annoying are the “street teams” that give away free samples. Energy drinks, energy bars and other miracles of food science are common freebies. Yesterday I was handed an entire bag of free samples and coupons by one of the city’s big drug store chains. It contained:

• Advil.
• A Soyjoy bar.
• A tablet of guava leaf extract marketed as a hangover cure.
• A 2-ounce plastic bottle containing an “energy shot” fortified with vitamins and caffeine (but merely 8 calories).

I can imagine the marketing brief: We’re trying to target influential, busy, exhausted young people with discretionary income. Recommended location: East Village. What are they, drug dealers?

This Cadbury commercial won a Grand Prix at the Cannes Lions advertising festival in France last week:

Bummer!

My brother’s fiancée Melanie recently shared a scary idea with me. The topic was bottled water. Some people, she noted, don’t finish all the water in a bottle. They put the cap back on and throw the bottle away with water still in it. I’m sure I’ve done this many times, especially at airports.

Big deal, right? Actually, consider what you’ve done. You’ve entombed precious water in a plastic time capsule that will sit in a landfill and won’t break down for hundreds of years. This water has been removed from the hydrogen cycle. One bottle might be just a drop in a pond. But multiply it by a billion and consider the impact this might have on our environment.

My first reaction was one of deep concern. I shall never again throw away a partially-full, sealed plastic bottle. I will empty the bottle or leave the cap off. It’s the right thing to do for the earth.

My second reaction was to snort at the idea that bottled water habits (already not an especially earth-friendly idea) might actually be upsetting the balance of the entire planet. Ha! Now I will chuckle with sadistic delight each time I toss out a half-full water bottle. Take THAT, hydrogen cycle!!

Here’s a link to the Wall Street Journal story about how bars and restaurants are ripping off beer drinkers: A Pint-Size Problem. As Nancy Keates reports:

“Beer prices at bars and restaurants have risen over the past few months, as prices of hops and barley have skyrocketed and retail business has slowed alongside the economy.

“Some restaurants have replaced 16-ounce pint glasses with 14 ouncers — a type of glassware one bartender called a ‘falsie.’

“And customers are complaining that bartenders are increasingly putting less than 16 ounces of beer in a pint glass, filling up the extra space with foam.”

To me, the most surprising part of this story is the outrage from beer fans the reporter quoted. Some people will actually send back a beer if they don’t think they got enough in the glass. I find the idea of getting ripped off to be, well, part of what a bar is all about. Why do we pack into some crowded dive to pay $5 for a bottle of Amstel Light, then tip even the most inattentive bartender 20 percent for uncapping it? I dunno. Because that’s the social order of things?

Spotted yesterday at a deli in my neighborhood…

If Indiana Jones can pull off a comeback, what else?

How about Crystal Pepsi.

It was 1993. With fanfare, a Van Halen song, a Super Bowl ad and a bus wrap, PepsiCo introduced a clear cola soft drink. It was good, if not amazing – a mild, sweet, citrus-y alternative to regular Pepsi, sans caffeine. After the marketing push, the beverage flopped and was quickly discontinued. No one will ever drink Crystal Pepsi again.

Or will they? Somewhere at Pepsi headquarters, the mothballed recipe is sitting in a file drawer (or perhaps on a computer). Some middle manager in the company has seen the online petition, has read blog posts like this one, is aware of the current wave of 90s nostalgia. This person is itching to bring it back. Clearly, Crystal Pepsi would be a hit, if only for a couple of months.

Make it happen! Resurrect this soft drink while people still remember it. Maybe in a limited batch, Pepsi Holiday Spice-style. Or do a promotional tie-in with some movie, a comedy set in the past perhaps? You could even orchestrate the return the 16-ounce glass soda bottle. The public awaits.

No idea what I’m talking about? Learn more about Crystal Pepsi here.

I’m pretty cynical about branding, but for some reason I’ll buy any food product that says “Brooklyn” on it.

Unfortunately, most of our native products aren’t especially healthy. Off the top of my head… Fox’s U-bet chocolate syrup. Brooklyn beer (as well as Coney Island Lager and anything brewed by Six Point). Gorilla Coffee. Manhattan Special soda (made in Brooklyn). Jacques Torres chocolates. Uncle Louie G’s Ice Cream (to which I’ll add 5 Boroughs Ice Cream, even though its from Astoria).

It gets ridiculous. Some stores near me have started selling Brooklyn chewing gum. A local wine shop called Red, White & Bubbly sells wine under the label of “Brooklyn Wine Company,” complete with a Brooklyn Bridge logo on the bottle. The wine inside comes from California.

We’d eat healthier if Brooklyn were famous for tomatoes or apples or fresh fish… rather than beer and pizza and cheesecake and chocolate.

Tomorrow (April 29) is free cone day at Ben & Jerry’s. You’re welcome.