This is a letter.
You must delete this in 1 hour.
If you do, or if you don't, you'll still be stuck with the same lousy
luck and get absolutely no booty (from another person). The person you
are most attracted to will return all your mail unopened. This is a
crock!!!!!! You have read the warnings. You must delete.

Joe Girlhack SENT this letter 45 minutes after recEIving it. Not even 4
hours later he was driving along the street and ran into Julie Kidneyurn
(geez, how corny can you get with names?!), his stalkee for 5 years.
Julie had to be scraped off the street with a 6-foot spatula after he
accidentally crushed her repeatedly for 2 minutes. Joe still stalks
people obsessively as ever.
*note* The faster you delete this the more JACK SQUAT you will have in
your life. if you send this as a chain letter (that has been going on
since way back in 1997) you will have the same bad luck you've been
having for the past seven years. This is most definitely a joke. goOd
luck

ANOTHER ONE

just in case the first one wasn't enough of a waste of time, here's 2
more. notice my punctuation and spelling still sucks since I wrote this
in a drug induced, pathetically lonely frenzy. Tell at least 25 other
people you find in teen chat rooms you deleted this letter. Don't tell
them what the letter was about.
{insert incredibly crappy and sappy lineless tasteless poem here}

Article I: declaration of stupidity: the kiss
1. kiss on the hand ... i adore the germs from all the things you've
touched
2. kiss on the cheek ... oh god your butt smells
3. kiss on the neck ... sheesh do you ever shower
4. kiss on the lips ... there's got to be some tequila left in there
somewhere
5. kiss on the ears ... i'm gonna tell you what I really think of you
6. kiss anywhere else ...i'm drunk and horny gimme some
7. loOk in your eyes ... i think you're lying to me
8. playing with your hair ... stop ripping out my pubes
9. hand on your waist ...oops I meant to go further south

Article II: The 3 Steps
1. Girls: If any guy gets fresh with you, slap him
2. Guys: If any girl slaps you, slap her back
3. Guys and Girls: Repeat steps two and three

Article III: The Commandments (abridged)
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard, they might just fart
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, you won't get one anyway
3. Thou shall kiss at every opportunity, humans if possible

Article IV: Make any copies ever and you'll have no relationships for
seven years.
***Remember***
A peach is a peach,
A plum is a plum,
Take off your clothes and give me some,
so open your mouth, close your eyes,
and I'll give you what I wish were a big surprise!!!!

Here's the second variation of the same nonsense:
This trash letter started in 1997 too. It's a loooove trash letter.
Harass 27 hapless teens solicited from chat rooms. Now here comes the
fun part. After having cybersex with them, say the name of a person you
like or lust for and then say it some more. Then scream it in a public
place. Repeatedly. The person will say "Arrest him/her/it" or "Will you
go away before I have to whip out the mace?" Bad Joke!!!!

Now the consequences: 

None. You're bound to have NO luck in future relationships if you're
resorting to this type of stuff. Break the stupid chain, see who cares.

Whoopedee$%#@#! You have been chosen to participate in the DUMBEST and
SECOND MOST USELESS letter on the internet! Once read, this letter must
IMMEDIATELY (within 15 seconds) be deleted. After deleting, make a wish
and it won't come true like all your other futile hopes. YOUR WISH WILL
NOT COME TRUE SO MATTER WHAT YOU DO SO DON'T BOTHER! If you fail to
delete this letter, absolutely nothing will head you way...including
potential mates. THIS TRASH LETTER OFFERS YOU FLEETING GLORY IN A BOOK
FULL OF FREAKS AND BIG PUMPKINS IF YOU DELETE IT BY THE YEAR 2000!!!

DELETE NOW. CAPITAL LETTERS WARRANT ACTION.