MonkeysThe pet store was selling them for five cents a pieace.  I thought
thiswas odd since they were normally a couple thousand.  I decided not tolook
a gift horse in the mouth so I bought 200 of them.  I likemonkeys.  I took my
200 monkeys home.  I have a big car.  I let one ofdrive.  His name was
Sigmund.  He was retarded.  In fact, none of themwere really bright.  They
kept punching themselves in the genitals.  Ilaughed. They punched me in the
genitals.  I stopped laughing.  I herdedthem into my room.  They didn't adapt
very well to their newenvironment.  They would screech and hurl themselves
off the couch athigh speeds and slam into the wall.  Although humorous at
first, thespectacle lost its novelty halfway into it's third hour.  Two
hourslater I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive; they alldied. 
No apparent reason.  They all just sort of dropped dead. Kindalike when you
buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later.  God damncheap monkeys.  I
didn't know what to do.  There were 200 dead monkeyslying all over my room;
on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from mybookcase.  It looked like I had
200 throw rugs.  I tried to flush onedown the toilet.  It didn't work.  It
got stuck.  Then I had one dead,wet monkey and one hundred ninety-nine dead,
dry monkeys.  I tried topretend that they were just stuffed animals.  That
worked for awhile,that is until they began to decompose.  It started to smell
real bad. Ihad to pee but there was a dead monkey in my toilet and I didn't
want tocall a plumber.   I was embarrassed.  I tried to slow down
thedecomposition by freezing them. Unfortuantely there was only enough
roomfor two at a time, so I had to change them every 30 seconds.  I also
hadto eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't go bad.  I tried to
burnthem, but little did I know that my bed was flammable. I had toextinguish
the fire.  Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, twodead, frozen
monkeys in my freezer, and one hundred ninety-seven dead,charred monkeys in a
pile on my bed,  The odor wasn't improving.  Ibecame agitated at my inability
to dispose of the dead monkeys and Ireally had to use the bathroom.  So I
went and severely beat one of themonkeys.  I felt better.  I tried throwing
them away but the garbage mansaid the city was not  allowed  to dispose of
charred primates.  I toldhim I had a wet one.  He couldn't take it either.  I
didn't botherasking about the frozen ones.  I finally arrived at a solution. 
I gavethem out as Christmas gifts.  My friends didn't quite know what to
say.They pretended to like them, but I could tell they were lying.Ingrates. 
So I punched them in the genitals.  I like monkeys.  This isa chain that you have read it, you will have been hexedwith bad luck
in everything you do until you forward this to 10 peopleyou know.  After 10
days, you will have permanant bad luck forever.  Ifyou do forward this 10
people in ten days then you will have good luckin life for the next year.