I've never watched Seinfeld.

SEINFELD is among the most popular shows ever to air on television, but I've never seen it. After the first few years of not watching it, I realized I was missing something big, so I made a mental note to watch the show some time. Still, I never got around to it. Recently, it has become something more than that. Forced to defend my honor in conversations with my friends, and after hearing one too many Seinfeld radio contests on B-103, I swore off the show forever. I created this page to find the other outcasts of society like myself, unified by our deviation from Must-See TV.

Please remember that this is not an anti-Seinfeld page. I hear it is a really excellent program, but how would I know? As far as I'm concerned, it's just a show about nothing.

SOUND-OFF: The final episode has come and gone, but the message board chatter continues. Here's your chance to spew your Seinfeld opinions to everyone in the world. Be good. (It's one of those free guest books run by GuestWorld. Don't bother clicking on their ads; it's a waste of your time.)

Read the messages. | Post a message.

WE ARE NOT ALONE: Here are true tales from souls who have lived without watching Seinfeld and... um... lived to tell about it.

"I've been stationed overseas with the US Military for the last ten years and don't get American television. Never seen Seinfeld. Don't have a clue about it." - John

"The more I heard about Seinfeld at the lunch table at work, the less I wanted to watch it. Same goes for Ally McBeal. Anyway, I don't like Seinfeld's looks. Or that of any of his cohorts." - Joanna

"I have no regrets about having missed Seinfeld. It's just that I don't watch sitcoms at all. My problem -- assuming that I have one -- is that I can't take the canned applause with almost all comedy shows on TV" - Dave

"OK, I'm one of those who have never watched Seinfeld. I work in an Engineering group, and we are generally too busy to chat much in the office. I don't watch much TV at home, and what little I heard about the themes and morals on Seinfeld did not really make me want to see it. None of my friends have talked about it. It's probably funny, but my taste in humor is more in the British style. Having said that, it does seem a bit strange that someone would put in the effort to set up this web site. Of course, one could also ask why I'm taking time to send this message, if the topic is of so little interest..." - Glenn

"I've lost count of how many times people have blurted out some phrase that made absolutely no sense to me, until they explain the phrase came from a particularly popular episode. And I'm really getting tired of people telling me, 'You just have to watch it once! Then you'll watch it all the time!' Well, I've tried watching it a couple of times. No, thank you." - Janis

"I've never really seen Seinfeld either. I admit I may have seen it once.However, it is such a STUPID show! I don't see how people can enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!! I, for one, will be glad when it is OFF the air although we'll still have to see never-ending repeats, I'm sure! I thought it wasgreat when I saw you had a web page about NOT seeing 'Seinfeld.' Ignore the negative comments. They are wasting their time WATCHING Seinfeld!" - Virginia

"I have to admit it... I have never been able to watch an entire episode of Seinfeld. It's not that I don't have the time, or that I get distracted. I am just physically unable. I have tried several times, but I just can't. In every portion I have tried to watch, the characters are BITCHING abouts omething. All they do is complain, or argue, or yell at each other. I just can't find the humor, and I have a VERY broad sense of humor. It's not even very interesting social commentary. The Simpsons far outclasses it in both of those categories. As far as being able to carry on a conversation about it... who gives a shit?" - Ruppert

"Hey, its reassuring to know that there is another person here that hasn't watched that program." - Ray

"Yes, I go to this high school full of people who drive Jeep Wranglers, listen to the Dave Matthews Band, and quote Seinfeld endlessly... and so maybe my problems with finding a date for the senior Prom stem from the fact that I am not able to hold a conversation with most of the people at my school." ... "When I discovered that I had this great record of having never watched the show, I decided I just couldn't break that. Anyway, you've got a great page. Thanks for offering such great support to other outcasts of civilization like myself." - Laurie

"I honestly feel I haven't missed anything and all the hype is much ado about nothing (not that there's anything wrong with it)... and I'll feel a whole lot better after next Thursday night! Thanks for giving the 'Great Sein-Off' the healthy, tongue-in-cheek flip it deserves...and I'll still take something like 'Mister Ed' or 'Gilligan's Island' any day!" - Jonathan

"I have watched 'Seinfeld' but I've never watched 'The Simpsons.' Does that count?" - Deb

"Haunted by Normon Cousins' discovery that laughter was the best medicine, I've always felt kind of guilty every time that I squandered a lot of good laughs when I was perfectly healthy. Decided to save up all the Seinfeld episodes for when I've got some terminal disease. Then I'll beg, borrow, or steal* tapes of all the years of shows I missed and laugh my guts out. Hope it's as good as they say. I'm counting on it. I am determined not to blow this one like I did the Airplane and Naked Gun movies by watching them prematurely." -Bob
* Do you think there is any chance that medical insurance will cover old Seinfeld tapes?

""I've never seen Seinfeld." and my friends think I joke around when I say that, but I've never REALLY watched Seinfeld. And I'm not sure why I should tonight. I would love someone to Email me a convince me to watch it." - Brent Gomes (brent@brokenlink.com)

THE CONTROVERSY CONTINUES: Love it or hate it? Read excerpts of e-mail from readers:

* "Yeah right you losers dont like it because you have no friends. And you're so stupid, you dont get the jokes. Obviously you aren't sophisticated enough to understand the high-class humor Seinfeld brings too television. No Soup For You!!!
Signed, The Rest Of The World"

* "I have to admit that I'm very impressed with the fact that you've never watched Seinfeld. It takes a stong will to resist the temptation to be part of that whole water cooler conversation on Friday morning. But, I don't like the fake conversation bit. You should be proud that you haven't succumbed to the hype. Wear that like a badge of honor. Hold your head high as you walk down the street, because you have never watched Seinfeld. I know some one who has never eaten a twinkie before. I thought that was pretty cool. But you have far surpassed that person my friend. And I say screw those people who hate your page. If everyone who made a webpage about something they knew nothing about was an outcast, well, there would be a lot of outcasts if you know what I mean. Anyway, pretty cool page."

* "How could you not watch the show but yet you have a web site about it? Thats what i call stupid."

* "I am not sure if this counts, but I have only seen 1 full episode, but I know what you mean...I don't have cable, and I really don't have the time to sit down and watch it. The main point...you are not alone...and to create a web page about a show you've never seen...that takes guts!"

* "Lang, What are you thinking? Why would you dedicate a whole page to a show that you have never seen before. You have too much free time on your hands. I think that you need to spend more time down at the office and less time wasting your time doing pointless internet stuff."
- Chris A. and Tim S., The Daily Collegian

* "Your story sounds like it could be the plot of an episode! I can just picture it..."

* "Quit trying to be a unique person and give Jerry and gang a try.....you'll delete your website immediately, I guarantee it."

YOUR TURN: Feel free to post a note on the message board or e-mail me your thoughts. And if you've never seen Seinfeld, here's your chance to tell the world your story.

OUTCAST? Learn to carry on a conversation about Seinfeld if you've never watched the show. It's easy! Just memorize these stock answers to common conversation questions:

Q: Did you see Seinfeld last night?
A: No, I missed that one. What was it about?
Q: Well, [these things happened].
A: Sounds like a funny one.
Q: What's your favorite episode?
A: I dunno, it's hard to decide. But I guess I'd have to say the first one. They're all pretty funny.
Q: Who's your favorite character on the show?
A: Seinfeld.
Q: What did you think about the last episode?
A: It kinda let me down. Like maybe it wasn't really the last episode and the show will be back again next year.
Q: How about that time when [this character did these things].
A: Uh-huh, [character's name] is always a hoot.
Q: Or remember when [character's name] said [clever catch phrase].
A: [Clever catch phrase]! Ha ha!
Q: How about that time when [these other things happened]?
A: Yeah. Those crazy kooks crack me up. I almost fell off my sofa from laughing so hard at their zany antics.
See: Even you can sound like an educated, informed Seinfeld viewer, and it requires no effort whatsoever on your part.

LINKS: Thanks to the Internet, you can read pages and pages about the show to learn about it without ever actually seeing it. Check out Yahoo!'s Seinfeld links.

Also, please pay a visit to Warner Brothers' official Seinfeld.com web site. And while you're at it, why not check out Sony's official Seinfeld site, too. (Both Sony and Warner Bros asked me for a link, both telling me they are the only official web site. I decided to post both their URL's here and leave it for them to duke out.)

MEDIA sitings of this page:

Spotted it anywhere else? Please tell me.

Remember that the complete address to this site is http://daryllang.com/seinfeld/, despite what some careless Arkansas, Georgia and New Jersey copy editors think.

WEBMASTERS: Want to post a link? Here's a button you can use on a web site. Click here to see the code you need to do this.

Created 4/17/98 | Updated 6/1/98 | darylpsu@yahoo.com |
This page is not affiliated with NBC, Sony, Columbia TriStar Television, Castle Rock Entertainment, Warner Brothers, or anything else remotely official.
Daryl's Home Page