11 Oct 2008 10:33 am   //   Filed under: It's a trap!

When I win the lottery, I’ll become a sports fan

I had a good conversation with my friend Mike a few weeks ago. Mike asked why I, of all people, didn’t have an iPhone. I told him it was because I am wary of anything with a subscription fee attached to it. Because of the data plan, an iPhone would essentially double my monthly phone bill. It’s not a thing you buy once – it’s a thing you keep paying for forever. What do I look like, a sucker?

For the same reason, I don’t have cable. Mike also doesn’t have cable. He observed that the the only reason the two of us can survive without cable is that we don’t care about sports.

He’s right – If I were a sports fan, I wouldn’t futz around. Of course I’d pony up for all the digital ESPN channels. But that’s not all. I’d need a flat-panel big screen, surround sound speakers, a couple of foam fingers, jerseys, jackets, decals, a custom license plate frame, a wind sock, a flag, a life-size cardboard cutout of the coach, massive amounts of Doritos and Yuengling, a salsa dish that plays the fight song, season tickets, and a class A Winnebago with painted in the team colors. Let’s go $tate!